im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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