I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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