if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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