Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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