Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
