uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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