i was born a porn star she said
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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