hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
