do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
