connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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