R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
