Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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