Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
