I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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