Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
