You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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