Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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