does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
