If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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