i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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