Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
