he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
