I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
