sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
