are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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