grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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