Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
