ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
