I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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