I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
