I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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