His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
