i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
should my penis look like a turkey
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
