In America we eat man semen.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
