She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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