When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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