Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
