Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
