after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
