If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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