You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
