If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
