my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Let's get the cat blown out
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
All the doctor said was why
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
