I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
lol hangovers are for mortals.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
