Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
