I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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