so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
