I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
