I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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