We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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