Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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