they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
